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Shh let me listen!

July 28, 2018

image.jpgI like to engage into group conversations like anyone I hate being excluded but gosh I find it so difficult. When everyone is speaking I can not listen to all at once and I can not tune out and just focus on one. I hear everything!!! I hear the pet birds  chirping, I hear the kids playing upstairs, so here I’am trying my best to engage in the on going conversations because man I SO WANT TOO!!! But then someone near me interrupts and I can no longer hear anything else but that person so without thinking I harshly snap “please  shhh!” All eyes are suddenly on me…harsh scows chucked in my direction and comments like “Don’t give him attitude” “why are you so rude” “don’t start peri” I’m not starting nor am I giving attitude I just want to LISTEN I want to join in I want to feel INCLUDED I want to CONNECT with you why must you knock me back? Don’t you see I’m TRYING. I try so hard to do things you take for granted I try so hard to be a part of YOUR world despite being knocked back time after time don’t you know how much that hurts but I keep trying because I just want to JOIN IN do you know how sacred that is!!! That despite the constant misunderstandings I still want to join and listen to everything being said, I want to debate about topics, I want to laugh I want to make you laugh I want to feel a part of something so all I’m asking is please be patience with me please slow down, please don’t feel like I’m giving you attitude or mouth when I get overloaded and suddenly snap and please let me explain this matter because when you just roll my your eyes at me it makes me feel maybe I should of never learned to speak in the first place…I JUST WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU please see that as a privileged and not a burden and please never see me as a burden either…..

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