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Dear Parents, Caregivers, Doctors and Educators

August 6, 2017

IMG_2011.JPGDear Parents, Caregivers, Doctors and Educators.

I’am Autistic but before that before anything else I’am a human being. I need food, water, shelter and love like anyone else to survive just because I’m autistic those things never change it just needs I may also need extra things being done or those things being done differently.

Please don’t force us to have friends. I know you probably think your doing what’s best for us so making us play with those kids in the playground will solve all our problems but I’m sorry it won’t. It will just make us more uncomfortable so we will retreat back into our own world. Ease us in gently, listen to us ask us what we want even if we can’t verbally tell you we will tell you in other ways you just need to be patient. We don’t want to be forced to play with others when we are not ready because it shows us we are indeed outcasts and again we are failing you.

Please don’t ever say we can’t because we can and will! To us the sky is limitless, you may have your doctor degrees and teaching degrees but really you know nothing about is becauae you can’t because we are Jacks in the boxes but we don’t perform for anyone. Help us reach our full potential instead of putting restrictions on things YOU “think” we can’t do.

Please don’t pity us because then we will think we are broken and something that needs to be fixed, honestly we often think you are the ones who needs pitying. You go at such a fast pace that you miss so many wonderful things around you.

Please don’t force us to fit in your square peg hols, we are circles so no matter how much you push us we will not fit! But we will get bruised, bent and broken….why do you want to break us?

Please don’t yell at us for things we can’t help, I know our we can be can be frustrating. Chucking the food you have slaved over for hours down the toilet. The texture is bad but so is the smell I gag just looking at it so I needed to dispose of it quickly. switching all the lights in the house off, they were hurting my eyes and head why is the world so bright? endless hours of screaming because it’s raining but today is Sunday and every Sunday we go to the park but now we can’t and my routine is messed! Lashing out at anyone who tries to hug us, making high pitch sounds at the supermarket then eloping because Someone else has just made a loud noise and that is NOT OKAY!

Please don’t say we are not trying because we are trying as hard as we can and we try every hour of every minute of every second of every single dam day! We try because we love you because we hurt when we know we have caused you pain and frustration. We can’t express to you what we are going through but our reality takes everything in us to make it through without a fight. Every food we put in our mouth we are trying not to puke it back up, every trip to the shops we are trying not to meltdown, every noise or sound we form we are desperately trying to form a word so we can speak to you, every kiss and hug we give we are trying not to squirm because physical contact burns us,every time we look at you we are trying so hard to give you the best eye contact without melting down because the puzzle inside overwhelms me. Even when you think we are not trying like when we are already in a meltdown we are, we are trying to stop and regulate our bodies and we try so dam hard so please don’t judge us just love us.

Please don’t leave our siblings out because you are focused on our needs. They are too fighting a silent battle so they need all the love and backup they can get. They are superheroes often sacrificing themselves for there quirky sidekicks so please don’t sacrifice them too. Half your attention and if you can’t do that let the siblings know you and we love them and our thankful for them everyday.

Please don’t force us to look at you, it hurts so much. We are listening to you and respect you but we don’t have to look at you for you to know this. We wouldn’t make you run over hot Cole so please don’t make us look into your eyes.

Please don’t force us to speak, we know how desperately you want to hear our voice. It’s in every parent book and is often referred to as the most magical milestone we will ever go through. You know how much pressure that is on us to fulfil such an important milestone? We know we should be doing it with ease, maybe we had already spoken but our voice was taken away as fast as we got it. It’s frustrating we so want to make you happy and just speak but putting everything on us speaking is not healthy because for some of us we won’t ever speak and yet again we will feel like we have failed you for something we really can’t help.

Please help us connect to you in other ways. Speaking is a way for us to connect with each other but it’s only one way, there are millions of different ways you can teach us to connect. Cards, signs, talking devices, writing, drawing, dance. These are just a few so please think a little outside the box and help us connect.

Please welcome and join our world instead of trying to push us into yours. When you join our world by taking part in our behaviours or sitting silently with us while we are on our tablet or lining up our many objects shows us you are accepting us and our world with welcome arms. This will make us more willing to connect with you as well.

Please keep our routine in check as much as possible and if you can’t please warn us. Our routine is the only thing keeping us together so when it is disturbed our whole world is tipped upside down. We are not being spoilt or being stubborn we are just trying very hard to keep it together so keeping everything in order is key. Imagine you spent months putting milions of pieces of paperwork in organised files but then it is messed up meaning you have to start all over again. Knowing this process will take you months and take you away from learning other important skills to survive on this alien planet.

Please be patience we can take a lot of time to achieve simple tasks but we promise if you wait we will show you an amazing things. Listen more because we sing beautiful silent songs just for you.

Don’t cry for us but cry with us, we are not something that should be cried over, we are not broken, we are not dying and we do not need to be fixed. We understand how scary this whole thing must be for you, parenting must be terrifying one minute you are going out drinking and partying then the next you look down and you see this kid in your knee who is depending on you to survive and when you add Autism into the mix that kid will grow into an adult and may still be depending on you. It’s scary for us as well having to put all this trust in a person you truly can’t understand or connect to no matter how much you try so we have just got to trust that you will love and take care of us. When things go wrong we too want to cry so please cry with us let us know it’s okay to cry and that you are feeling this pain too, just don’t cry for us.

We know once you probably dreamt of flying but now your having nightmares about dying. Just don’t, we don’t know what will happen in the future but we will be okay because of everything you have and continue to teach us. You can still fly but now you don’t have to fly on your own.

Laugh, smile and love us! That’s all we want like anyone else we just want to feel and be loved! We may not show or accept love in the traditional ways but that does not mean we can’t feel it or show it. Don’t force us to hug you but embrace our other ways we have to show you we love you. You are our maps but we are your compass so please hold our hands and follow us into the doors of life, please don’t make us go on our own. We need you, we want you, we LOVE YOU.

“Maybe one day, I won’t be this way, Until then we’ll get by” ♥️

Love from
Your Autistic children, teenagers and adults.

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8 Comments
  1. I adore this. Thank you so much. Xxxx

  2. Carol permalink

    I respect your point of view very much. You are an amazing-extraordinary young lady! With all of my heart I thank you turning around the “disability” for us and for fight it the way you have. Keep writing! Please:-)

  3. lynn hopper permalink

    I loved this. You make me understand my sweet little guy, he shares a ton of traits with you. He is 3.5, ASD and my best friend. Thank you.

  4. sonia permalink

    Your writing has the potential to help so many Autistic children from being repeatedly misunderstood.I will share it where I can and as often as I can.Great work

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  1. Dear Parents, Caregivers, Doctors and Educators – H2Au: the stuff of our life

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