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What is a miracle?

July 16, 2017

The Wikipedia’s definition of a miracle ”is an event not explicable by natural or scientific laws. Such an event may be attributed to a supernatural being (a deity), magic, a miracle worker, a saint or a religious leader”. A downpour of rain in the Deseret would be called a miracle, Christians often called the acts of Jesus and God miracles, a terminal ill person becoming 100% healthy is too often called an miracle. Many of us think for something to be a miracle it has to be something  big something so rare..

However in the Autism community we see miracles in EVERYTHING. a simple look in the eye, a simple instruction followed, a simple different food consumed, a simple hug or kiss on the cheek, a simple smile, a simple photograph, a simple itchy jumper worn, a simple school report passed, a simple playdate with a friend, a simple ”I love you” a simple meltdown free day, a simple hand hold….these are all sweet miracles for an Autism household. They may seem like nothing to you but for us they are the most amazing miracles that we have ever seen,for me a miracle is something that’s not thought to be able to happen but it does despite everything and everyone doubting its ability to do so. All of these ”little miracles” slowly gather up and becomes an spectacular, grand, beautiful miracle.

There was this girl who had a permanent lost&perplexed expression on her pale almost greyish face, she could not speak nor communicate in any other way she was completely shut in her own head which looked like no desire to reach out to anyone. She could not feed herself because she lacked the coordination and dexterity in her hands so got the food anywhere but in her mouth, she was a angry child who would often beat  up her loved ones even when they were just trying to help, she could not show affection nor accept it and would often react with violence. This girl could not deal with any type of noise  preventing her from going out anywhere because any stimuli from the outside world would result in a meltdown which would last for hours, and hours, she would scream until she was red and had forgotten what even made her do it in the first place but she would know she was angry so she would carry on due to dam right confusion and the lack of understanding towards her emotions.  As well as the screaming she would display in self injurious behaviours until she was black and blue this would happen daily leaving her family walking on egg shells around her, she would puke up any unfamiliar food if it so much as just touched her lips, she would gag and scream if anyone made her put clothes on especially socks&shoes. She would spend all her time in a plastic pool the only place she truly felt happy and at peace, she would spin around in circles, line her toys up but never play with them, she would jump and flap her hands, even with sign language she would refuse to learn any other sign apart from the one for ”toilet” which she would use over and over ad over instead for its proper use.  She would hide in her sisters underwear draw while screamed because her sister went on holiday and she just could not cope without her, she would watch the same episode of Tellietubbies on repeat and would meltdown if the routine was changed. At school she would not scream, lash out, or anything like that, most of the time she would fade into the back ground, quietly doing what everyone else was doing so teachers would just assume she was just lazy or stubborn apart from the times when things got too much and she would hide under the table while highpitch squealing. She was unwell all the time because her body’s immune system was weak from the lack of nutrition she was getting from the days where she would stop eating because all foods made her gag, She would be awake every night for months at a time because her body would not switch off apart from the nights where she would scream and cry herself into utter exhaustion. She would have to be restrained from hurting herself and others but as she got older she was physically overpowering full grown adults. She was soon able to learn words but could not express her needs or wants so became silent once again, she was incontinent and would have accidents throughout day&night, she had no friends and could not look at anyone in the eye.

This girl was not diagnosed until 11yrs old because the lack of desire and understanding from professionals and doctors around her, She had to go all the way to London just for her family to be told something they knew all along… ”She has Autism”They were told that her diagnosis was grave and that she would never speak fully, she would never finish school, she would never be able to live on her own and would need 24/hour care so the possibility of her needing to go into a home was high. She was diagnosed with moderate to severe Autism and got into a special needs secondary school. The school was a gift to the girl as before getting diagnosed she was refused from the school.  When she started she started making progress even if it was just little things at first. She got her first tick on the reward system for eye contact, she smiled more, her meltdowns was not as intense nor frequent, she made a few friends, she was talking more, she was contemplating work and was working at a proper grade level, she was eating more, she said ”I love you” to her family, she used the phone to talk to her new friends even if it was just for a few seconds, she won competitions for her writing, she was the best swimmer in the class, she listened to instructions, she enjoyed music lessons and was able to listen to music without melting down because of the intense pain of the noise, she slowly very slowly started to join in drama lessons and actually started requesting to go to drama club, which lead her getting lead roles, She away with the school for 5days&4 nights for the first time ever, trying something new each day, she became a favourite with students and staff, she joined in more playground games with her fellow students, she took on a caring role towards other students….She regressed in yr 10 no one knew why but its like everything she had learnt had gone and the old lost girl everyone once knew was coming back, she was back to wearing ear defenders everywhere she went in school, she hid in cupboards and blanked out in lessons, she would rock in her chair in every lesson violently,  she carried around a cuddly penguin, she would sit blankly and not do anything, she would refuse to play with her other students and isolated herself, she lost her words and struggled with selective mutism, she stopped eating, her meltdowns increased at home , she refused to wear clothes, socks and shoes, she became unwell again, cbeebies was back to being her favourite tv channel, her grades went down, she was lost again, trapped in her world, problems at home was making her feel unstable and scared but she was unable to tell anyone as she didn’t know how. Instead of the staff of the school trying to force her out they got down onto her level and communicated to her in ways which slowly got her to progress, they talked to her through comic strips, letting her express herself through her writing, they would ask her about her penguin, tell her it was nice and make conversations about it, let her include her interest of penguins as much as she could in her work, they gave her as much patience as she needed, they let her know that she could tell them anything but she didn’t have too, they told her if the fire alarm was going to go off for a test so she wouldn’t freak out because of the minor change in her routine, they would let her know well in advance if anything was going to change. Slowly the girl made progress and was back up to speed, she had a good set of friends and she was often referred to as one of the more chatty students when she was with them, she was often seen as the most able students, top of the class in most lessons though English was her favourite, even developed a cheeky side which of course the teachers had to rope in but secretly loved she was testing the waters as it was another milestone she was hitting.

Then She joined 6th form in the same school of course, there was settling problems, it was different from lower school it felt like a step backwards instead of a step forward this caused the girl to develop feelings of depression and she regressed again throughout the whole first year she was very much the same as what she was like in year 10 but then improved towards the end of it. The girl became top of the class again and even organised and took part in a charity  walk for a sick teacher and a year after that completed a slideshow for the sick teacher getting every student involved. She then started having problems with friends and family problems, the family problems amplified the problems at school, she started having violent outbursts at school, she pushed a girl out the fire exit door, she started running away, into the school’s woods and even out of the school grounds, she would have weeks of really good and then weeks of really bad, In her last year at the school she struggled to censor her emotions and behaviour resulting in meltdowns and self disruptive behaviours, she began pubety very late meaning she was going through all the hormones and the hormonal strops your suppose to be having at 13 at 17-19 and because of autism they affected the girl much worse, she didnt know how to deal with any of this, she would have member of staffs look for her with walkie talkies because she would often vanish from lessons, staff found it hard to control her, her violent outbrusts were coming a regular thing, throwing water over two students, chucking stones at student, chucking a chair at a student, yelling, swearing, headbutting, pushing members of staff, she would spend her time in school walking around the playground and up and down corridors when she was suppose to be in lessons, she was suppose to be taking GCSE’s but hardly turned up to any of the classess and when she did she was too distracted to follow instructions and concentrate, she stopped caring for herself and others, her fear of leaving school consumed her. She was excluded for the first time after her taking part  in a dangerous conduct, after the exclusion she came back to school, she completed her work experience in a primary school which she loved years before that she had completed 2 other successful work placements at nursery’s despite it being a task in finding somewhere who will take her, she completed all her GCSE exams and completed her leavers video, and helped other students to complete theirs, She was still unsure what she would do though once she had left school….Something happened resulting in the girl getting excluded again and was asked not to return to school, she only had 2 more weeks at school left but the pressure was too much for her, She became angry at home, snapping at anyone around her, she was back to having nothing but this time she was aware of it and it sucked, she suffered from depression and anxiety, she was put on different medication but nothing worked.. She was able to go to the school’s prom and was also let into school for the last week where she was able to say goodbye to the staff and friends… She collected her GCSE results from school, She got 2 C’s in two of her exams which was amazing, She thought she would never take GCSE’s let alone get a C, professionals all those years ago told her family it would be impossible.

2 weeks before back to school and college etc the girl got a place on a Access to higher education course a course which would help her achieve her dream on going to university, the girl wanted to redeem herself And get back on track.

3 weeks went by and she was told by 3 member of staff on the course that she was either going to fail or drop out of the course so she needed to go down to an easier course…the girl refused and kept on refusing throughout the course no matter how hard and painful it got. The girl had no support or belief from the staff but she had her friends who showed her more than enough. The course has now ended and the girl passed the course and even got the grades she needs to go to university to study special education so she can teach in a special needs school one day.

now this girl is sharing her story to you via this amazing thing called WordPress, a true miracle for the girl as it gives her a true voice to share with you all. Now back to my question what is a miracle? Is it that I can now speak? Or is it that I’m going to university or is it that I’m sharing this with you all today? Like I said a miracle does not have to be something big it can be something tiny like a simple smile on a bad day, I personally know that miracles don’t just happen they take a lot of work, they take a lot of strength to battle for years and judgement and sometimesjust breathing takes everything you got.

I know I…I mean this girl could not of gotten where she is now without the support and belief from her family, friends, educators, followers.  she also knows she has not recovered from Autism as that is impossible so she knows that she’s still going to have days where she’s going to struggle just to get by and she knows she’s going to have to prove a lot more people wrong but she she knows she can do it because of all the support she gets from everyone I have listed above, she knows Autism does not defy her Autism is a miracle in disguise, you are all my miracles and I’m thankful for every single one of you.

“They say you can’t”

“So you say I must”

~Thank god for small miracles~ ♥️⭐️


From → Autism

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